I'm a rationalist. You can tell that some of my ancestors are from Iowa -- show me, who did the study, was it peer-reviewed, was there a control, were the subjects self-selected? I don't believe in miracles.
So here's the thing. On September 20th, I went in for a vocal assessment and saw a devastating video of my vocal structure and heard the words, "There's nothing I can do." I cried for a week. After two weeks of blank grieving, I asked my walking buddy, "When will I feel better?" (I'm also impatient with all natural processes.) She answered, "When you start a course of treatment."
All right. A Plan. I need A List! Now we're in business. I made appointments: naturopath, acupuncturist, speech pathologist, voice coach. I took homeopathic remedies and researched food sensitivities and did the vocal equivalent of physical therapy exercises. For two more weeks.
On October 18, I watched a new video of my larynx. Absolutely no pathology to be seen. We're looking at a textbook-perfect larynx. I hear the words, "The nerves have regenerated."
In less than a month.
As Emily Litella of Saturday Night Live would say, "Never mind!"
What do I do with this?
Be fearful that life seems so random, both the good and the bad?
Give thanks (thank you. THANK YOU)for a gift that I never appreciated before?
Be ashamed that I created a big hoo-ha and it turned out to be a big nothing?
Notice the love and support that came from friends, family, and strangers? That was a lesson, all in itself.
Make plans to use my voice (My Voice!!) in every style and venue that I ever craved to try?
Wonder who's pulling the strings? Sometimes I think there really are small snickering household gods who like to kick my booty and make me pay attention. They live behind the woodstove, they listen from behind the siding. Or is there really a Bigger Plan?
Yes to all of the above. In the meantime...
I'm going to get a Handel on this. Then I'm going to fly me to the moon and sing among the stars.
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I like the idea that there are household gods behind the wood stove. Now that we're putting in a wood stove, maybe we'll acquire some. Then again, maybe the fact that we didn't have a wood stove means we didn't have a household god (Tomte) available to fend off that month and a half of loss. Who says they're looking for ways to create chaos, maybe they're there to prevent it as long as we keep them supplied with oatmeal on Christmas eve. And, we DON'T forget the butter on the oatmeal! (A reference to a Portland Revels production from two years ago.)
ReplyDeleteI like it! You must be one nervy gal.
ReplyDeleteReminds me to never trust the first thing (or maybe even the second) a doctor says. :-)
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